Active listening at the Water Cooler
When I worked on the front line, at the metaphorical coalface, of community engagement one of my number one tactics for understanding people and the vibe of a room before a participatory activity or meeting started — was to stand at the back of the room and observe and listen to the people as they came in, made their way to the beverage making station and then strike up a conversation with a fellow participant (whether they knew them or not).
These first few minutes of people arriving for me were often where conversation gold or the diamond in the rough comments, often made before an agenda or theme for the session was laid out, were heard. Why, because at that very moment of making a cup of tea and the session having not officially started, people’s inhibitions are low, the persona they later adopt in the meeting is not yet functioning and that comfort of dunking a biscuit in to a freshly made tea or coffee makes them feel almost as comfortable as when they do the same at home where they share comments about their day with their nearest and dearest. Except this time they will often be laying bare to their fellow participants exactly what they think about the project/workshop/training session, the organisation they are engaging with, as well as small personal bits of information that might later benefit you knowing as you attempt to build trust and a good relationship with the participants.
The water cooler or hot water urn/kettle is a common place where people gather before meetings or during breaks. It is a great opportunity to network and build relationships, but it’s also a chance to improve your active listening skills that will later benefit you in facilitating people.
To make the most of these conversations, there are a few key things to keep in mind.
- First, practise active listening. This means paying direct attention to the speaker. Don’t let your mind wander or interrupt the speaker, but stand back and take mental notes.
- If engaged, making eye contact and asking relevant but not probing questions will show you are listening to them. Show genuine interest in what they have to say with comments of confirmation or by showing empathy but never agreement with statements made.
- Be mindful of your body language as well as theirs. Let them know you are there and unless engaged, stay neutral by not leaning in. If engaged in the conversation, use simple nodding, smiling and an open body to show receptiveness, friendliness, and a positive attitude no matter their comments.
- Make it personal. Get their name and connection to the project/session/organisation. Introduce yourself transparently so they know your position in the process.
- Finally, don’t be afraid to contribute to a conversation especially if the participant is sharing comments that are blatantly misinformed. But don’t shut them down completely, share your own experiences or ask for clarification if you don’t understand something they have said.
Now, things have changed slightly over the last few years as we have migrated to more online sessions whether it be Zoom, Teams or similar. But I think the above still relates. How often do you enter a session early and find people waiting for you? Or you end up in a call with one or two people as you wait for the rest to join. Do you wait in awkward silence or do you use this time as an opportunity to listen and engage? What I’ve been doing is throwing in a quick introduction and asking how things have been going locally, not about the meeting, just in general and see what conversations take place. Again, minus a water cooler, people left to their own devices without facilitation or an agenda point to start a meeting will just start talking. Sometimes this can be extremely valuable information. While body language is a little more restricted online you can use a persons surroundings or backdrop as another key, in this case, visual to learn about that person.
By following these tips, you can improve your active listening skills and build stronger relationships before a meeting/session has even started. So utilise that first few minutes and listen to what happens at the water cooler.
Do you do this? What have you heard while lurking at the back and what’s the best pre-meeting tips you have?
